Being so down lately. Effing results. And yeah, this post will have a lot of F words so deal with it. So pissed off at everything! So imma start off with this. I'm so freakin' sick of people copying answers! Tell me, what is the F-ing benefits you get huh?! It's so unfair for us(people who ACTUALLY studies), and you guys just score marks like that. So freakin' unfair! Yeah, maybe you would feel happy getting GREAT AWESOME marks. But what's the use?! Can you copy during public exams? NO! Don't you even feel guilty? What's sadder is that even some Christians do that. Don't you feel SORRY to God? You know you're sinning, and you're STILL doing it? This isn't only for Christians, other religions too. Don't YOU feel sorry for YOUR GOD? Yeah, it's easy just to copy. But have you ever thought of how others felt? By others, I mean people who actually studied so hard. They earn it, from their hard work. And what inconsiderate people do is just COPY. What's the use?! TELL ME. Give me a forking good reason and I'll shut up. Copying is only cheating yourself. Yeah, you gain happiness for good results. But that's not the TRUE you doing it right? So what's the point? It only proves that you posses the brain of a JACKASS or in simple, A DONKEY. Translation, you have zero percent of knowledge and you have to copy. Is that what you want to prove? Is it THAT hard to study? It IS tough, but you won't DIE right? If studying kills, millions or billions of people in this world are already DEAD. So NO, studying does not kill. Do you want to earn an honest A? or just a LIE-UNREAL-FAKE type of A? SERIOUSLY MAN. THINK ABOUT IT. WHAT'S THE FREAKING BENEFIT HUH?

Nuff' bout that. Another thing I wanna say is that no one understands me, damnit. Not even those close ones, not even those loved once. Even when I told my mum about my results, No, she didn't scold nor nag, but just say I have to cut down my time on comp. Whenever I complain, or sad, she just says STUDY HARDER. WTF, THAT'S NOT WHAT I NEED! I mean, she's okay. She understands that I DID try hard enough.. But no one would actually sit down, spend time making me feel better. I've realized one thing, people only love the happy me. The outside me. Not the TRUE INSIDE ME. Which is actually so depressed right now. They only love the me, smiling. Yes, happy is a good thing. But when I'm sad, and need someone for a chat or whatever, NO ONE BLOODY CARES. I have to face everything by myself! You can't blame me if I actually do something stupid one day. SERIOUSLY. No, not commit suicide. Maybe cut myself, or get involved in an accident. YEAH, THAT'LL BE AWESOME. By then I wanna see how many people actually cry for me. PFFT. My heart's feeling so numb right now. I kept getting eff-in rubbish results. The first day, I did cry. Seriously. I couldn't hold it any longer. Now, even though it's the third day already(Wednesday), i'm still sad. Just..feeling numb. No tears would come out anymore. Now, it's getting harder and harder to smile. Every time I complain, no one fckin' cares. They keep complaining how bad their results are, which makes me worse, cos their results are so much better than mine, and still keep complaining. I can't wait to see my BEAUTIFUL average and position this time. From top 1 will drop till how much? Those friends of mine who copied during exams, yeah, they all beat me. GOOD FOR THEM. *COUGH* My mum's so gonna kill me. Damnit. My average, CURRENTLY, is still A. But maybe after few more papers are given down, say goodbye to my A. And eventhough i got A for average, still, a lot of people beat me. I congratulate to those who truly earned it. But for those who copied, and get FLAWLESS results, GO TO HELL. UGH. This kinda reminds me of B class, where all the pro people are. Average all so high. D: Am I getting more and more stupid or what? I kept telling some of my friends, prepare to see me drop this time, and non would believe me. NOW, YOU GUYS SEE WHY YOU SHOULD BELIEVE ME? I know myself most, okay? Hmph..

But I'm not going to let what happened this time stop me from working harder. I'll not give up. This is a critical year, and next exam is Trial 2 again. It's very important because it determines our class next year. So yeah, it's not time to give up yet. This time's exam..made me stronger. Yeah, I'm gonna PIA. What? Nothing wrong right? That means less comp, less online, more..hell..I mean, BOOKS. I disappoint a lot of people already this term. Especially myself, then my parents, and my tuition teachers, who taught me, and I still fail to hit their targets. That's just sad..Well, I guess I poured out almost everything from my heart. Don't think I'm looking for sympathy. I'M NOT. I hate it when people act "ke lian". It's the truth about my heart, which no one knows. I hate my current condition, because I'm an ANTI-EMO type of person. And now, I feel like an emo. ):< I want the happy me too, but what I feel sad is that no one cares when I'm sad..Pfft. I'm not like this very often, but when I actually need a caring person, no one's there for me. So yah, my life's so fcked up this time. I know it'll pass. But for now..my heart's aching like hell and no one cares. -.- Whatever. Yeah, that's about it..MY HEART, MY THINKING, MY BRAIN. ALL OUT HERE. Well, not all, but mostly. KTHXBYE.

No wait, one last thing. Sorry God for being rude. I'm really sorry Lord. I'll pray and ask for forgiveness, I promise. And don't think I'm rude, I'm not. Just that when things are so messed up..You just have no control over it. Okay?

Adios~